In the south, people of Good Christian Upbringing substitute "GD" for the phrase "God-Damned" as though it somehow lets you off the hook for being so un-christian as to damn someone or something.
GD also stands for Gestational Diabetes, and I have to admit I am feeling a little damned in that arena at the moment. I failed the glucose tolerance test yesterday, so I have to go in next week to take the three hour one.
On the one hand, I know it's totally manageable, and I am committed to doing whatever it takes to keep Baby C in the oven as long as possible and keep him from becoming a fat behemoth.
On the other hand, I totally feel like a loser! I never fail tests! I would study up for this and try to ace it on the do-over except that there's no way to study up. The bod has failed me.
The worst part is that I know that my bod has failed me because I have failed it.
I have always been an over-indulger when it comes to pretty much everything - food, back scratches, bourbon, cigarettes, dancing the night away...you name it, if it's a hedonistic pleasure, I've over-indulged in it. I think I might even have a sort of addictive personality: When I lost 65 pounds on Weight Watchers, I did it by substituting diet cocktails and ciagarettes for the food I could no longer indulge in. When I turned 30 I decided it was time to quit smoking and partying like a rock star, and I gained all the weight I'd lost right back. It's like I have to have some sort of vice all the time...Sick, right?
Anyway, I know good and well that fatties have a much higher chance of getting GD than thinnies, and I knew it would be much healthier for me and for the baby if I got into some sort of decent shape before getting knocked up, but I didn't do it. I was a lazy, over-indulgent slob, and while I clearly have been willing to accept the consequences of putting my own health at risk, I was not prepared to put the health of Baby C at risk.
All this to say I feel like a shallow selfish person, and I don't see a lot of chances to redeem myself in the next 2 1/2 months, and that sucks...
Dammit!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Dammit!
Posted by Miz E at 11:24 AM
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5 comments:
Hey, Miz E,
Don't beat yourself up: I failed my GD test spectacularly (3 of the 4 fingerpricks were WAY out of range) and I am a clean-living marathon runner. Incidentally, my numbers were not always great, and my daughter was 8lbs at 10 days overdue.
In any case, good luck. A lot of people fail the screening and pass the test. Either way, you'll do fine. (You are, of course, allowed a complete melt down before you dust yourself off and get on with it. . .)
I am relieved you are HUMAN! I always thought you were perfect.
You are perfect and I love you.
In a few years you will look back and think how silly you were to try to be so perfect, get over that babe.
My little granddaughter is WALKING and she is going to be a year old in one month! OMG
I am hear to tell you, time flies and it is true what they say, enjoy every second you can, it doesn't last long.
Oh DOUBLE dammit! Kindly stop berating your sweet self and remember that GD is eminently treatable these days. But it sux all the same that you have to go through this.
Don't be so hard on yourself! The baby will be fine and so will you even if your fingertips become a little callused
It ain't really your fault. Just don't try to get through the pregnancy on diet cocktails and cigs, and you'll be fine, ditto the bebby. (Maybe an occasional non-diet cocktail would be all right, but I'm prejudiced.)
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